Body Positivity, Body Shaming, Porn, and Camming

 If you read my blog entry on how I got into porn, you may remember me hinting about writing an entry on body positivity and body shaming in the industry.  Drum roll please because here it is.  Though this is a serious issue, I will also use humor so feel welcome to laugh (as long as you're laughing with me and not at me lol).

When I started camming in 2002, I was kind of heavy by modeling standards and still am curvy and thick.  While I received many positive comments, one thing I remember was how multiple people came into my chatroom to tell me I'm fat or my tits sag (as if I didn't already know that and needed these b******** to enlighten me?  LMAO.)  Though I realize we show our bodies for a living, such behavior is really unnecessary.  If somebody's not your type, then you can leave their chatroom.  No need to be rude or disrespectful.  But then again, some people get off on degradation so maybe they really were into me and jacking off while they said that.  

On a serious note, I'm over letting such behavior get to me.  I can just blow body shaming off as ignorant and accept my body how it is.  I'm not sure if the term "body shaming" had even been coined back in 2002, but now having the vocabulary to call it out helps me to see it for what it is.  I rarely experience body shaming anymore on cam, even though I'm 20 years older.   Actually, I notice much more kindness overall now in the interactions. 

Here's one of the best responses I noticed from a cam model being called fat.  She just played along with it like "sorry not sorry, I'm not letting you make me feel bad."  She didn't flat out say that, but her body language spoke volumes.  It's hard to describe in words and may be difficult to picture for anybody who didn't see it, but I'll do my best to articulate.  After somebody called her fat, she held her arm up to the camera and in a sexy way, started modeling the "flab" and swinging it back in forth.  I took mental notes and plan to do this if anybody calls me fat again.

Despite the body shaming, porn and camming are industries where there's room for variety and fuller figured women can thrive.  The same parts I was body shamed on were also assets in the biz- namely my weight and my tits.  In porn, there are different types of films featuring "fat" women.  Some celebrate such body types and focus on the beauty of these.  Others are porn comedy films that mock full-figured women, play into fat stereotypes, and conflate terms such as "fat and ugly."  The latter is ironic, where on the one hand full-figured women are portrayed as unappealing.  On the other hand, people who are attracted to such women and perceive us as beautiful may be the most likely to watch such videos since porn is about sexual arousal.

Though I was in both types of films, an example of the latter I remember well was a video about chunky cheerleaders (which also happens to be the title).  Still 20 years later, people mention this video to me in which scenes are still online.  I did 2 scenes in this video: one with a woman and one outside fucking a man on a rock.  

Here's the story behind how I was cast in this video:  I was going around meeting different production companies in the San Fernando Valley on my own.  I recently bought a pair of really high platform heels and still to this day have no idea why, but I wore them when meeting with Legend, a major porn production company.  (I have other platform heels, but these are the highest.) When I was in their office wearing these heels, I feel down. Though they were nice about it, this was really embarrassing.  I figured, do I even have chance of being cast now?  They probably think I'm a clumsy idiot.

Suprise, suprise!  The person who interviewed me (and who was also there when I fell) called days later to ask if I was interested in doing a cheerleading porn video.  I was thinking "Are you sure you called the right person? Did you mix me up with somebody else?" Let's get real. I was 27-years-old, chunky, and clumsily fell down in their office.  Thus, I wasn't expecting to get cast in a cheerleading film.

Nonetheless, I accepted and when I arrived on set, immediately figured out why I was cast.  Though the person who called didn't tell me the video was specifically about chunky cheerleaders, I noticed it was when I arrived.  Not just by seeing the wonderful women who were also cast, but by reading the script too.  The script mocked "fat" women and played into stereotypes of us. Basically, the video was about fat, out-of-shape cheerleaders who were addicted to Twinkies.  With much of the film being shot outside in the backyard on a hot day, I would have preferred watermelon over Twinkies- but healthy eating would have gone against the theme of the video.  I was able to discreetly avoid eating Twinkies without announcing this and just sucked on a lollipop instead.

Despite the cliche "fat" gal stereotypes, there was actually a plot.  At the beginning, I kidnapped a "skinny" cheerleader.  We took her back to the house and made her teach us cheers by holding her boyfriend hostage.  Of course, one of the chunky cheerleaders fucked her boyfriend since this was after all a porn film.  

As somebody who exercised regularly and was at the time a vegetarian (though wasn't yet a vegan), I didn't feel like I fit into the stereotype they were promoting.  I could have left the set, but glad I stayed. Though the sex scenes were real, feature films involve plots and acting outside of the sex scenes.  Like, I never kidnapped anybody in real life but did as part of the role I played in this film.  

The irony was that even though the video was based on the out-of-shape fat gals stereotype, we actually had to be in shape to do the video.  If not, there could have been some major medical emergencies on set.  Thankfully, there were none.  Not only were there the sex scenes that exist in all porn films, but we had to exercise outside in hot weather on top of that.  We jumped on the trampoline; did jumping jacks, jump rope, and flips; and did exercise equipment.  As if that wasn't enough of exercise, I also fucked outside and got on top (which gave me a great thigh workout).  Thus, don't ever let anybody convince you that chunky women are out of shape (lol).

Also glad I did the film because it gave an opportunity to challenge the fat shaming in a friendly way.  In the behind the scenes footage (which is also posted online) the guy behind the camera asked "Are you enjoying your time on Chunky Cheerleaders?

I replied with a big smile "I love it.  I really am in shape.  I workout every day."

"Really," he responded as we both laughed together (even though what I said was true.)

"Yes," I replied while rubbing my tits. "We chunky women can be fit too."

"Awesome," he responded.

 "Need to go do that cardio," I said referencing the exercise equipment that was outside and smiling.